How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize