last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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