I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize