I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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