I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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