I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize