FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize