I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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