Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize