Apparently you make a good broom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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