It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize