I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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