I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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