Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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