I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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