in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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