Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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