Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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