Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My vagina is officially offended.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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