Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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