Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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