I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize