So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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