Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
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At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was confusing and full of hummus
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize