Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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