Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize