well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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