just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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