They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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