my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize