I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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