I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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