I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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