Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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