Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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