whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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