My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize