My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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