I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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