I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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