I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize