I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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