So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize