she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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