Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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