**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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