Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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