had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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