Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize