Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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